Someone texted me recently on WhatsApp and told me that I should do a part series about love, sex, and relationships especially among Christians. Well, I am not an expert in this field, but I drink from the cup made by the expert who lets inspiration flow in me.
I recently published an article titled, Praise & Worship, Choir, and Sexual Immorality. This article will draw much from that because it addresses the same issue.
I have talked to many women for the better part of my ministry. I have never met most of them physically. Most of them were just random people who read my articles and posts on social media and decided to contact me.
I have walked with some. I have talked to some and I have learned a lot from our interactions. Most of them shared deep things about themselves. Almost all let everything out to a total stranger, someone they never knew or seen.
I remember someone telling me, “Siloma, I have almost everything but am not happy, I cry myself to sleep every night. I smile at everyone but deep inside am empty.”
After giving her words of encouragement, I later asked her why she decided to tell me all that. She told me it is easier to talk to a stranger than fellow Christians who will go behind your back.
I learned that most women talk about their issues out. They learn to let go and heal. Men, on the other hand, hold what troubles them deep inside their hearts.
I have tons of stories with me, and I thank God, I have never lost it – I never got overwhelmed. I have walked with many people who thought that they had lost it all; who thought that God will never forgive them or there is no recovery from their disaster.
The best, involved walking with a lady who got pregnant in Church. I was her close spiritual and motivational contact. I thought I couldn’t handle it. I thought I couldn’t do my best but who thought that that would be a great lesson to learn in life?
Many girls get pregnant in Church, most of whom who are in ministry; they are either ushers, vocalists, teaching Sunday school or leaders of various ministry groups in Church. Most of them are vocal and are in the limelight, beaming their leadership rays to the congregation.
Recently, a lady sought my advice on the way forward. I asked her if she was ready to handle it because my advice will be brutal but worth it. I told her that the truth will always be absolute and I won’t go all nice covering it to look less hurting.
Before girls get pregnant in Church, something obviously must have happened. Before the pastor announces that some girl is banned from serving, something out of the norm has occurred.
It is sad that the truth has been masqueraded to look nice and less hurting. While everything is amiss, most people will be ready to comfort you with all kinds of scripture and words of encouragement.
Very few will tell you that whatever you did was wrong and that your sin has consequences. Most young people do not begin with an end in mind. They think, in their sinning, it is all fun, and that God will understand, He always does, that’s why Jesus died right?
When Adam and Eve sinned God never consoled them with sweet words, He instead said to Eve that He will increase the pain during childbirth and her desire will be to his husband who will rule over her.
To Adam, He said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat it,’ cursed is the ground because of you.”
God had to remind Adam of his sin and curse the ground because of him. His words are affirmative, “Because you…” It is through Adam and Eve’s disobedience that we all suffer the same consequences. It is through them that we acquired the fallen nature. Sin in this scenario had long term consequences for all humanity.
This does not mean that we pass judgment on one another, only God can do that. The point driven from the above is that we should acknowledge sin before masking it with sweet words of consolation.
We further see that God made clothes and clothed Adam and Eve. This means that even after disobeying, God still cared and sheltered them even though they were sent out of the Garden of Eden.
It is sad when one will tell another that they should not be all stressed about it, that it happens, that nobody is perfect and that even the pregnancy is a blessing in disguise because many have struggled to get children.
We live in times when no one is ready to rebuke sin. No one wants to be seen or viewed as a bad person because they said the truth. We live in times where everyone who says the truth is seen as barbaric and insensitive.
We have become haters of the truth so that we could keep friends and act all supportive and lovely.
So young Christian girl, let me give you a perception of what we, the congregation, have of you as you serve in Church. Later, I will tell you of what the congregation thinks of you after you have become a disgrace to the eyes of men.
When you lead us into worship, we young men have all kinds of thoughts running in our craniums, “I wish she were my wife, adorable isn’t she?” “Oh God give me a sign” “Jesus, she must be the one”
You look adorable from up there, your gait changes, you look holier, your smiles shine the podium and suddenly your dimples, even if you never had them, go deeper.
You become the talk of the Church, suddenly Mama Njambi tells her daughter, “Huwezi kuwa kama Jane? Huoni venye ako serious na Mungu?” (Can’t you be like Jane? Can’t you see how serious she is in her salvation?)
You become an icon where young girls look up to. You become a spiritual authority through your ministry. God elevates you in your gift and suddenly the praise streams in like a viral social media thread.
Men look at you, they salivate and keep thinking, or rather fixing in their minds that you are perfect. You get a new crop of friends who want to hang around with you because of the attention you get and with time, you get even better at your ministry.
To whom much is given much is expected. You get so busy in your ministry that you forget to pray, to worship or to meditate. Your ministry now becomes entertainment and fun. You now cannot do without it.
You now feel so important as you are in crucial Church meetings and gatherings, you are now greeted and respected by important people in Church. Sadly, because you are not cultivating your spirit, you live in your flesh.
With the many young men hitting on you, you have a variety to choose from. There is always a reminder that whatever you are doing is not right? Yes, the voice that always tells you, “Jane, whatever you are doing is not right.”
Your flesh spots him. It is funny that he is also serving in Chuch. She has also spotted you already and whatever is happening to you is also happening to him and the two of you feel invincible. You think that you will make a perfect couple because two staunch Christians soaked in Christ.
You are not living in your spirit and we know that the flesh is indeed weak. Your inner voice is suppressed to its minimum, your heart which is deceitful above all things now convinces you that you are in love and that it is Godly.
You start hanging out. Your attention shifts, and it becomes all about him. You cannot get hold of the fantasy, a handsome husband with beautiful kids all capsuled in Christ. You now adore him.
You start hanging out, you start thinking of how friends and the congregation will think when they know that you are dating the crème de la crème of the Church. Slowly, because the relationship has not been founded on Christian principles, the ship starts to capsize.
It is funny that the small voice never quits on you. Though very suppressed it still whispers to you in truth. You start kissing, you feel bad about it but you start consoling yourself, ‘So long as we are not having sex.’
God works in miraculous ways, He sends someone who comes and tells you in person, “Hey, whatever you are doing is not right” but because pride has taken over your whole self you cannot listen.
You even ask yourself, “How can she, a lowly who knows nothing about ministry tell me anything about my ministry.” You will share this with one of your friends who will tell you that they are just envious.
Slowly you get immersed in the guy. You cannot control yourself, you get jealous when you see him interacting with other ladies. You make the biggest mistake, you think that you can win over her by having sex with him.
He had asked it before and you denied. Because you thought he was spiritually mature than you, you think that it is the norm to have sex and these things happen.
God doesn’t quit on you, all around, you get signs that you are not doing the right thing but you chose to ignore them because you have not cultivated your spirit.
You think that having sex once in a while is not bad, God will just forgive you. You forget that every time you have sex, you kiss or even lust over someone you dig a hole and finally it becomes too deep and you cannot get out.
He becomes your small god, and music practice is never the same without him. You now start serving with feelings. You get numerous warnings but now you are beyond warning signs.
You have now struck God’s anger because you made him your idol. He replaced ‘I Am’ and He said that you shall not have any other Gods. Now comes the final blow, when you say to him, “Babe am pregnant.”
You wonder, how could you be so dumb. It now hits you, all the warning signs, all the people who you dismissed, the guilt now hurts and you wonder how are going to face the disgrace.
You think, “Well, he is a man of God and he is going to stand with me. Even if the world hates us we will pull through.” You were lost in his world, totally forgot the part where the Bible says, “You shall know them by their fruits.”
You think that he’s got your back, how can he resist you. You tell him you are pregnant and he asks you how could you be so dumb. He tells you it cannot work between you and he is not responsible, he cannot trust you.
You later realize that you are not the only one in his circle, suddenly he is dating your friend. You hate him, you hate yourself, you hate the pregnancy and you want to abort.
You are ex-communicated or rather halted from serving because you have sinned greatly. He is also not serving because you two have engaged in a detestable act.
This is now how most of the congregation sees you; a dirty and filthy young girl who’s got no respect for God or ministry. A careless girl who has no respect for herself or the Church.
You suddenly have names on you. Sadly, the very same people who praised you now say everything on your face. They deliver their insults the same way they delivered their praises.
Most people will think, how can Christians said to be representing the body of Christ act like that. Many will quit Church or harness their reasons for not going to Church. The Church is not a club of saints, it should be a home to those very people.
Do not expect to find holy people in Church. Do not expect that everyone is Jesus or is a saint, blameless and without blemish. You do not go to a hospital to find athletes very fit for competition. The Church is a hospital for sinners.
You become a bad example, you are badmouthed and are hated. Your friends forsake you, in fact, the very one who said that the person who corrected was envious of you goes around telling people that you were warned severally by so and so.
You are now a no one. The praise is gone, the crown of beauty on the podium is gone and you are greatly humbled. You will be a mother to someone whose dad refused to accept responsibility.
You cry, you hate everyone and everything and sadly you blame God. You think God is the reason why you got pregnant. Where is He while you are being humbled. Where is He when you are lonely. You hate Him. Why didn’t He stop you?
No one from Church wants to be associated with you. The few who want to, you push them away because you have generalized all Church going people. I mean, how could they forget all you have done for them?
You are righteous in your own eyes, you are blameless. There’s no way you can serve God like that and get humbled to crawl on your belly. You are in denial.
You think that by sinning you will hurt God and He will feel the loss of losing such a lovely singer. You forget that even rocks can praise Him. You forget birds sing for their maker. You forget all creatures praise their creature.
You get into the world because you are so bitter with Church. You now talk ill about your pastor and the church in general and you give testimonies of how crappy Churches are.
You give stories of how you were chased from Church like a dog simply because you sinned visibly. It is funny that the father of your kid still serves in the same or another church after staying a while out of ministry.
You make it hard for us who evangelize to reach people who have thoughts ingrained deep in them that the Church is just but a human institution that helps not.
You think that the new life is fun because there are no rules. You wonder why all that times you wasted your time in Church, with people who did not appreciate you. You now feel appreciated and at home.
You now can have sex freely, without guilt, with several men and it is fun. Sooner or later you realize that there is a void you cannot fill and that there is a God-shaped hole in every human that NOTHING can fill it.
You now have two options, i) Humbling yourself and getting back to the heart of worship ii) Continuing to live in the loop of seeking fulfillment from the world only to cry on your pillow convincing yourself that you do not need God you are stronger than this.
Dear Christian men and women, actions have consequences. If you go around having sex, you are digging a hole deeper and deeper and by the time you are fully submerged, it will be too hard to get out of it.
It is not pregnancy that should scare you. I tell people that ministry, especially praise & worship and choir is no place to joke in. It is no place to go simply because you feel at home, or you feel amazing or you are talented.
Music ministry was once the devil’s until pride took the best of him and he was sent down. The same happens everywhere in every Church, there is always pride crowning the heads of many and most get humbled.
When you decide to serve, especially in music, humble yourself and know that you are entering a battlefield, not a band of talented vocalists and instrumentalists.
When you fall, do not think that your actions are justified and that you shouldn’t be told what you have done is wrong. Humble yourself, listen and meditate to the word of God.
David couldn’t build the temple, he had shed too much innocent blood. His son wanted to take his kingdom because the sin he committed came following him. Being a man after God’s own heart did not spare him from God’s wrath.
To you Church members, of what benefit is it to you when your mouths are filled with slander and hate just because someone fell. Are you without sin? Are you righteous? Is it your pleasure to see that girl in the world, lost and misleading many others?
We should act as instruments of love and hope. If we cannot love and hold our own, what business do we have going for missions and evangelizing to others? If we cannot correct each other with love, aren’t we clanging cymbals and resounding gongs?
You may be wondering what Part 2 and 3 will contain. I will be doing stories of people who faced this in real life. People who were once in Church but stumbled on the way. Are you one of them? There are many others serving who are facing great challenges and would like a word of encouragement from you.
Kindly share your story so that others may get inspired. Know someone who can share their story? Forward them this article and tell them to send me an email on email@example.com. Do you want to be completely anonymous? I can publish anonymously on request or you can send me your story on silomasays.sarahah.com
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