My name is Rachel Starr a singer who also does events management. I have a story, one that has smelted the alloy that reinforced me and broke the once finely molded clay into shattered pieces. The good thing is that I got back up.
I was for the better part of my childhood a Christian. I underwent several challenges and saw many things in life. As a child, I used to live with my grandma in Naivasha but when I got older, about six years, I went on to live with my mum in Kawangware.
We got robbed several times, one time my mom got stabbed by goons who stole from her, I have witnessed loved ones getting shot and others go to jail. All these made me live in fear for the better part of my life.
I loved music and so when I joined high school, I got fully submerged into the music scene. I knew several music stars from producers to videographers and artists.
I used to hit studios and star in music video shoots. I loved it, I enjoyed that life. I knew I was beautiful. I had a figure I loved and I adored my life. I was in Form Two when I met this guy. He was in Church ministry. I never loved him but I could tell he did.
I remember this one time we hit the studio with his two friends who happened to be mutual friends. Later we went to his house and the two friends left leaving me with him. He started telling me how much he loved me and insinuating that we should have sex.
I was young, a virgin who was naive on matters of the world. The guy forced me into having sex despite my resistance. I cried my heart out as I bled. His friends came and took me to hospital blaming him why he had done such an act.
I went back to school and came back from the holidays. I knew nothing about sex or protection. I found out that I was pregnant. I was stressed, I cried. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell my mum but I told the guy.
The guy told me he knew and was ready to raise the kid but I was restless. I was not until 6 months that I told my mum that I was pregnant. My uncle had to fly all the way from Mombasa to come and make peace between my mum and me and they gave me two options.
I was either to go live with the guy or live with my mum who would take care of me. I chose to live with my mum. She once ran a restaurant but goons robbed her off. She was struggling to make ends meet and that’s when life got real. She asked if she could get me a stall where I could start trading.
I started doing business along the streets of Kawangware. I used to sell oranges but I later realized that oranges would rot easily so I started selling sweet potatoes. I asked God why He humbled me to such an extent. I asked myself how a beautiful young girl like me would be out of school to start selling sweet potatoes.
I talked to my baby daddy and we agreed to work things out for a year to see whether it will work between us. He agreed. It was unfortunate that things turned sour only five months down the line. I went to surprise him in his house only to find a girl crying. She had impregnated another girl who later moved on to live with him.
It was hurting but despite all, God favored me in my business, I used to get some good profit, one that made me rent a house of my own. I remember this one guy who once bought sweet potatoes from me and later came back to buy frequently.
He would park his car across where I laid my sweet potatoes and would cross over to come talk to me. He started talking to me asking me how a beautiful girl like me would sell sweet potatoes besides the road. He would ask questions about me to know more about me.
The guy kept coming frequently and he got me a job at catering at some church events. It was all fun and I fell in love with the guy. He came from the States and he had come to visit his grandma. The guy loved me too and we started having sex. The second time ever since my first ordeal.
I had lost reverence for God. I was no longer going to church because my pastor told me that my child was a mistake. The guy who impregnated me was an MC who was forefront in the pulpit during service. The fact that pastors used to drink a lot in these church events distanced me away from the Church.
Several pastors who were married and with kids used to hit on me and this was a complete turn off for me from the Church. The filth I saw distanced me from the faith. I started dating the guy and it was all fun. He was also a Christian so I kinda got that that was the Christian way of life.
Despite me being a girl partying and doing all that, I used to pray. I landed another job at some coffee house where I also interacted with all sorts of people. There was a lot of drug abuse, prostitution and even devil worship.
It came a time when the guy went back to the States and I was heartbroken. For once I felt the heartache. I felt that it was unfair for him to leave me like that. I lied to him that I was pregnant and he used to send money for upkeep. I later met her sister who told him that I was lying to him and things turned sour.
Being in the entertainment industry, I had made contacts and so I went back to doing events. I was having fun. My life was all about partying and sex just for the fun of it.
It was when I happened to join Kkrewbs. I received Christ. I remember I cried a lot that day. I joined a county and we started going for events. I loved children and the visits to children homes were amazing for me.
I met another guy, a Deejay, a big star in the secular entertainment industry. He was not born again. We fell in love and started dating. He used to spend at my place after doing gigs.
Slowly he started moving into my house despite him telling me that he was getting his own. He always had no money and I did everything. I even gave him cash. He slowly restrained me from going to Bible studies in Kkrew and lots of other stuff.
He always had no money. He used to spend it all on drinking and also he was not so successful in his business. One day he told me that he wanted a kid and I echoed the same. I wanted another kid.
For a long time, I never got pregnant. I met a pastor whom I told about my life. He advised that that was not the right thing to do but he prayed for me. I finally got pregnant but something was amiss. My boyfriend told me that she feared to touch my womb.
I remember one time he touched my womb and I bled. I wondered what the issue was. I was troubled by that pregnancy, I got anemic, lost friends really spent a lot of cash on him and everything was just, not the same again.
I had a stillbirth on the 6th day of the 6th month of my pregnancy and that’s when things went off. In the hospital, he held my hand and told me that he had a similar relationship in the past and twice on the 6th day of the 6month his partner miscarriaged.
He told me that he used to date a girl from Coast who took him to a witch doctor. He refused to tell me what they went to do to a witch doctor. It started ringing in my mind when every time we had a major argument, the ex from Coast called.
I was bitter, I wondered how I landed on him. It was sad that I had lost so much time, energy and resources on him. I was in pain when I thought that my child was sacrificed. I finally had to let go of him and let God. I cannot say that the journey was easy especially having gone through so much.
I have learned a lot. Life has refined me through my mistakes and choices. I have learned that indeed light cannot mingle with darkness. I have learned that I cannot ask God for His will to be done while I diligently pursue mine.
Yes, I got pregnant in Church. I was raped by someone who stood firm at the center of the pulpit. This shook my faith and went to make more bad choices but all in all, I found the light.
To you who underwent through fire and brimstone like me, kindly know that God will never quit on you. Your sin is not too awful that He cannot forgive. Strive to please and worship Him.
I will be doing stories of people who faced this in real life. People who were once in Church but stumbled on the way. Are you one of them? There are many others serving who are facing great challenges and would like a word of encouragement from you.
Kindly share your story so that others may get inspired. Know someone who can share their story? Forward them this article and tell them to send me an email on firstname.lastname@example.org. Do you want to be completely anonymous? I can publish anonymously on request or you can send me your story on silomasays.sarahah.com
I will be giving a shoutout every Monday to Kenyan Christian artists who inspire me as a means of appreciating them. This is also in a bid to urge Kenyans to consume their own content. Yes, there is great and amazing Christian content our there and I will do my best to share it with you.
Artist of the week – Frank Njuguna. Your music is nourishment to the soul. Guys, you can check out, Mtakatifu, Jehovah and Mwaminifu. Listen and share to bless others. Consume Kenyan Christian music and support Kenyan Christian artists.
- Missed part one? Read it here
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