“I cannot date a Christian guy, never again!”
“The problem with Christian guys is that they do not know what they want.”
“Christian guys pretend to be holier than thou.”
“Christian guys act Jesus but later, they are the ones who nag you with sex.”
“Sometimes am just fed up, I do not know exactly if am in a relationship or not.”
“These people are just like small boys who are learning how to grow. They have no purpose in life.”
“I prefer older men, if he is married or divorced, the better, the guy has handled a woman before, these boys are just complicated.”
“You cannot compare a ‘worldly’ guy from a Christian one. Worldly guys are so much better compared to these church-going ones. I mean they tell you outright what they want and what their goal is. These Christian men take you round in circles, only to find out that they were after your body.”
These are some of the replies I have come across with in many conversations I have had with both Christian and non-Christian ladies when they talked of their honest opinion on Christian men.
It was sad that ninety-nine percent of them were inclined towards the negative. They regarded the Christian man as confused, clueless about his priorities in life and complicated.
I want to try and unmask this today. I may not be able to make you ladies deeply understand why you feel or react so but I will give you my standpoint as a single Christian young man which I think applies to many young Christian men out there.
First, you have to keep in mind that there is a very big difference between Christian men and ‘Worldly’ men. Most times, interacting with the worldly guy will feel so real, so amazing and so straight-forward.
Unlike Christian men, the worldly guy will be straight to you. If he needs sex, he will tell you straight to your face. If he is upset about you, he will show you his true colors. If he loves you he will do the best things for you and all these make the relationship so great.
Being with a Christian man is usually hectic, you will fail to understand why he ain’t who he claims he is and why he goes against his word. The thought that how can a man who claims to love God acts all evil will make you discredit him.
The worldly guys and Christian men are in two very different realms. These realms are directly opposite and diverse from each other.
While the Christian guy fights both the devil and his own flesh, the worldly guy enjoys his freedom in this world.
While the Christian guy strives to rejoice in all trials and temptation, the worldly guy uses the pleasures of the world to relieve the pain of his trials.
While the Christian guy strives to please his master, (God) the worldly guy strives to please you.
While the Christian guy strives to connect to his master so that he can reveal to him his mission, the worldly guy connects with you so that he can complete his mission.
When the Christian guy denies himself and carries his cross, the worldly man is in total self-gratification.
Ever asked yourself why everything that leads to a disastrous end is so sweet and amazing? Ever asked yourself why everything noble and legit takes time, patience, pain and perseverance? Yes, the same applies to Christian relationships.
The bad character you see in a Christian man is his true self. It is actually every man’s true self, but the incredible character you see in the worldly guy is just a mask that helps him achieve his goal.
While the master (God) gives the Christian man a true identity so as to refine him for his mission, the worldly man in his depraved mind (which is his own God) wears his fake identity (his mask) so that he can achieve his own mission; to have you.
You will wonder how come a man who God refines will slowly suggest that you have sex, will not be straight with you and will become such a hypocrite, but you will get intrigued and fascinated by how bold and straight the worldly man will be.
You will compare the two and sadly the worldly guy will win your heart. You will probably go by the old saying, ‘Better the devil you know.’
So let me tell you how it is like to be a young Christian man. A young Christian man understands that he should be the priest of his house, that he should be the husband who loves his wife just as Christ loved the church and that he should be the father-figure to his kids, leading them into the way of Christ.
A Christian man seeks to have the mindset of Christ. He seeks to improve himself and go deep in the word. He seeks to conform to the image of the son and please his father. A Christian man is focused to heaven, his main goal is not set in this world but esteems something higher than himself.
A worldly guy on the other hand (I have been there) seeks to dominate the world. A worldly guy’s dreams, visions and goals are set in this world. He longs to please what he values (you being among them), to make a name for himself and own the best. A worldly man thinks he gets what he deserves. That’s why he will work hard for everything, including you.
A worldly man seeks to have fun and get the best out of life. As most are fed up with worldly girls, they usually say, “I need some girl from church. One who will be praying for me and my kids.” A worldly guy will do whatever it takes to have the best, to have a name and to get what he wants. He has no one to consult.
A Christian guy, on the other hand, will consult with his master on every step he makes. He doesn’t think he gets what he deserves, he knows that all has been given to him because God has been gracious to him.
With all these sweet descriptions about him, you will ask, ‘Why then doesn’t he walk his talk?’ A Christian man has all forms of flaming arrows coming onto every direction. This is because the day he signed up to be a Christian, he signed up for conquest. He signed up for battle with the person who was able to convince a third of heavenly angels to rebel against his master.
A Christian man’s life is basically a battle-field. When you get into a relationship with that young man, do not think that he is Jesus or that he will be as perfect as an astronomical chart. Expect a weary man who strives to beat his flesh so as to become pure and ready for his master.
Why do relationships with worldly men seem all nice and amazing while we are told not to have unequally-yoked relationships?
As I said all that glitters is not gold, the shortest path is always the easiest but long-term effects are unending.
When you are in a relationship with a worldly man, you two have got no standpoint. Your truth is not absolute. Each one of you has their own view on what is right or wrong. While the Christian girl’s morality comes from above, the guy’s comes from his mind. This explains the many breakups, the violence and the hurt in many unequally-yoked relationships.
But why is it that after all the hurt, all the pain, the girl would just go back to that hurting relationship while this Christian man strives to win her heart?
The analogy of ‘Better the devil you know’ applies here. The short-lived memories of fun, of being with an open-minded guy who expresses himself fully and the worldly pleasures like sex also bombards the mind of the young girl and she finds herself back to that hurting relationship.
It is sad that this relationship continues in a loop and the girl wastes so much time. In turn, inspirational quotes fill her timeline and the consolation of, “I do not need a man, am married to Jesus’ is always on her lips.
Just in the same way a Christian girl cannot be perfect, a Christian guy will never be perfect. Christian men also find it hard dating Christian girls why? Because both parties have too much expectation about each other simply because one is born again.
It is sad that both parties think that when a person is born-again they automatically become perfect and refined of their characters but that is not always the case. You shall also know them by their fruits, not all Christian men or ladies will act like one.
In conclusion, Christian ladies, do not look down upon that young Christian man. Just as you are born of flesh and a falling nature, so is this young man. In his stumbling, stretch your hand to him and help him back. He is struggling to please his master and please you at the same time. He is battling the stereotype created about him in the society.
He also wants to live according to what standards the society has put for him, that Christian men should be without blemish. Sometimes he just needs someone to be accountable to him and the best person will have to be you as he cannot tell his peers that he has an urge he cannot control.
Dear young Christian lady, know that you are also not perfect. If you are fed up with Christian men and you prefer worldly men, then you are looking down on what God is working on, what God is sanctifying. Look into your own life, are you perfect yourself? Will God give you someone completely perfect? Without blemish? Maybe you are the solution to his weakness.
Instead of criticizing Christian men, God’s own creatures, do something positive in their lives or not utter any negative word at all. No matter how crooked, how broken and how worthless you find someone to be, do not utter negativity in their lives. It is better to stay silent than generalize all Christian men.