Many times I think I try so hard. I think I have done too much to deserve the best. I exalt myself with the ‘great’ things I think I do. The praise from others makes me think am the best in what I do; disciplined, favored and that God should automatically open the floodgates of heaven because I work with zeal and passion.
I look at those who have what I desire; they are not brilliant, they do not do a quarter of what I do but they have much, why? What is it they do that I don’t? Why should God just favor them and they are not holier than me? They don’t fellowship as much as I do? They don’t evangelize as much as I do? Why should God let me live miserably while I dedicate my all to Him? Why is he unjust?
I then realized that God searches the heart. Yes, crucible is for the silver and furnace for Gold, the Lord tests hearts. He knows me inside out. He knows how much I exalt myself, He knows how high I think of myself and how much sovereign and superior to others I tend to be. He then puts me into this furnace so that he can shape me, so that he can change my thinking, so that I can dethrone myself for Him to take his place.
Wonder why things are not working though you think you’re giving your all? Dethrone yourself, change your character and let God take His place.