All my life I have had this burning urge to make a difference onto someone’s life. Life has crushed and broken me before making me end up in self pity, hopelessness and stress. I have been so bitter about it that I pushed people away. I thought I could live a life of my own wanting to defy the rule, ‘No man is an island.’
Two people showed up in my life. They took me as I am, one angry, negative, rude and a don’t care person. They taught me humility and patience. I hurt them, big time, not for a day or two but for months. This was my way of pushing people away, but this time round these people stayed. They stuck with me and learnt to work with my weaknesses. Unconsciously I was changing, not that I wanted to but because these people were good me. It never made sense why I should hurt them.
I knew Christ. My friends had not known Him yet. I remember one of them re-dedicating his life to Christ and telling me that he looked at how I lived my Christian life and he realized that he was not fully submitted to Him. We went on this journey together and the second got to know Christ too. She was maybe inspired by how we pursued righteousness. I learnt one thing, ‘As a Christian you should let your deeds turn others to Him, not your works nor your masterly in the word.’
I have lived in Christ, fighting off all temptations and evil. I have been fully devoted and have been studying the Bible like a set-book. The sad thing is that life has become even much harder. This path has become so thorny that my bare foot still aches from the wounds of dry bones and piercing rocks on my way. I have wanted to quit on several occasions asking myself if this Christianity thing worth it. I have seen friends grow to heights I couldn’t fathom. Friends who once wished to be like me challenge me now and I wish to have a life like theirs. Ever since I became intentional with my faith, things have gone south. I thought that this whole Christianity thing was a trap, a place where God breaks you rather than pamper and uplift you as stated in His word.
It was then that I dug through the word and saw that everyone who was great underwent heart-breaking obstacles before they triumphed. Even those who had made it were humbled. Those who were powerful took refuge in caves in fear yet they had encountered God in several occasions. I was willing quit on this faith that made me hopeless by the day. It was funny that the more I tried to distance myself from faith the more I wrote amazing poetry pieces. Then God sent someone more broken than I was and I had to reach to the person and minister on God’s love for her. I re-read the WhatsApp conversation and realized that I was not only ministering to the girl but also God was ministering to me. He reminded me of His love and grace.
This cycle has gone on and on. I have in the past resented the Christian life, I have asked God what His plan is for my life, I have reminded Him about my works and asked Him if He takes pleasure in my suffering. The verse in James 1:2-3 about rejoicing in suffering made no sense to me until I read the story of the dog and the elephant. The dog and the elephant got pregnant the same time and the dog gave birth several times while the elephant had not. Then the dog asked the elephant, ‘Are you sure you are pregnant? I have given birth several times while you haven’t.’ How the elephant replied to the dog amazed me, ‘There is something I want you to understand. What I am carrying is not a puppy but an elephant. I only give birth to one in two years. When my baby hits the ground, the earth feels it. When my baby crosses the road, human beings stop and watch in admiration, what I carry draws attention. So what I’m carrying is mighty and great.’
I stumbled upon that story on WhatsApp and it greatly changed my thinking. I learnt that I should not compare your life with the lives of the people who have made it. They maybe giving birth to puppies but you are waiting to give birth to something the world will be shaken at its might.
Among the many things Christians do not tell young believers are the struggles they undergo themselves and the challenges in this spiritual journey. Most young believers quit so early on faith as they have no one to share their struggles with. Just because they bear the name Christian, they are expected to be gladiators who are armed to the tooth and unshaken. They in a way cease to be normal humans but superpowers so long as they have Him who conquered death. Am here to tell you that this journey is not a swift walk on the beach but it is WORTH it. Keep tuned for more.