I am supposed to publish every Monday but I knew that you were busy tearing apart the poor animal that died for your stomach’s sake. Peace be with those souls as they digest in your stomach.
Now that I have your attention, with your tire and shaggy hair. Now that today you fart, you laze around in your village as you shower us with photos of green shambas and flowers in the village with captions like, “Team Natural” and “He makes everything beautiful in its time”, Njaanuary is waiting for you.
To the few of you lucky enough to unbox actual gifts, kudos. Keep those friends. Some of us all we have got from friends is, “Wewe ni Morani, you have Maasai genes, diarrhea haiwezi kukukalia sana” (You are a Moran, you have Maasai genes, you can beat that diarrhea) – Hezekiel Chege kindly remember you are a child of God and such detestable words like “diarrhea” should not utter in your lips 😅.
Others like Jojes told me I have ‘diarrhead‘ my brain out. Mungu anawaona. So yeah, you now know it, I had painful diarrhea, on Christmas day. I was here all day long, stalking you guys on social media, sitting on my couch staring at the toilet awaiting a call, from nature of course.
None of my friends called, I just got two forwards from strangers wishing me X-Mas and I was about to ask them, ‘Do you know that X-Mas means Christmas without Christ?” But then my bottom humbled me and I rushed to receive its phone call.
As you celebrated your festivities with family, others with their pets and others like Leonel Wambia with chicken and goats (this guy has mad love for agriculture), I was here celebrating mine with my toilet. I can tell you how many tiles are lined up on each wall.
I can now perfectly call my toilet bae – I mean the Danish definition of the word 😆. I would feel like farting most times and I had to gauge whether it was a direct hit or a false alarm and I had to do all these in the toilet because you cannot take chances with such.
On 24th, I was at my cousin’s and he had slaughtered a goat in which we mercilessly masticated with our canines and molars. I ate its head and heart. I tore apart its liver and chewed its matumbos like a predator that has never caught a hunt for years.
I then drank the soup and this is where I think either, the goat’s ancestors avenged its death or ‘Maombi ya mzazi imefanya kazi juu sikuenda nyumbani for Christmas’ (My mom’s prayers worked since I never went home for Christmas) as Jojes puts it.
Now the soup had these Maasai herbs. They prepare it differently here in Narok. The goat’s head is boiled in a nyungu together with the herbs and then it comes out mixed, like African tea. Back at home in Loitokitok, the soup and the herbs are boiled separately and mixed later.
The soup in Narok is sweeter but the one in Loitokitok is as bitter as my bottom during diarrhea. They say all that glitters is not gold and these people deserve the mother of the goat we ate, they were right. So I thought, wow, this is the best soup ever, so sweet and amazing little did I know that the goat’s ancestors will ravage my bottom in anger.
I cannot just accept defeat, I am born a fighter. This is why – Now my diarrhea was not just normal diarrhea, it was divine 😂. My diarrhea had a purpose and it had to complete it. The Bible says that we should consider it great joy when we undergo trials (like diarrhea).
As I was sitting on the toilet seat in pain and disgust imagining my cousin and nephew having fun. (Apparently, they were not affected by the soup. Did they libate or what?) I thought, “Why did the soup look so good tasted so yummy but ended up causing an inferno in my …? (I need not repeat this word)
I asked myself, “Why can’t I just be fine and go swimming with my nephew and cousin?” I almost negotiated with Mr. diarrhea telling him to allow me to go swimming and it can resume on boxing day so that we can box each other in the toilet.
In my thinking, I realized that most times we judge things based on appearance. We think that because something looks good, yummy and amazing it is good and beneficial to us. I have in the past made choices and decisions based on what I thought was pleasing and not what was actually beneficial.
Many times we buy fake things because they look amazing. Many are the times we keep bad company because they are cool but we forget the negative influence they will have in our lives.
It is December for you and maybe all year, you have been a victim of making poor choices and decisions. You have maybe bought things that you really did not need just to show off and please others and are now feeling the yoke of bad choices.
You may have indulged in drugs all year because it seemed cool, social and a wonderful place to be with friends but are now feeling the heat in your bottom like me 🤣.
You may have indulged in sexual sin and all it has brought is more harm than good. You may have done things simply because other people are doing them because they look good for them. You may have done, or are still doing things to make people think good about you.
You are there maybe posting that photo to keep up with the rest, overspending to keep up with the Joneses or doing that charity and flaunting about it because indeed it is a season of giving more than receiving.
Well, some of these actions may not have immediate consequences but later, devastating effects will enslave you in deeper consequences. When you pay those heavy debts, where will the 343 people who liked your status be? Helping you repay your loan?
When you fall ill and weak and fail to keep your relationship where will those drugs be? Helping you heal the wound or digging a hot coal deeper into the wound?
Choices and actions have consequences and most times, these consequences make us slaves and dependent on the same actions. I always talk to my friends about beating the flesh. Our flesh will always see the colors that pop, the beauty that pleases the eyes and the glory in the physical.
The heart is deceitful above all things and man will always tell you to follow your heart. Your heart will want all the niceties of the world but are you ready to pay the price?
So what next? A statement I ask my friends after every talk we have. Know that you know your choices have not been okay, will you still indulge in the same actions expecting a different result? Rome was not built in a day they say but Rome can be destroyed in a second. A day is too long to destroy it.
Will you sit down to make plans and resolutions and never act on them? Will you work on them for a few days and give up? Fixing the leak is usually a troubling process. Dealing with the consequences of your actions is hard and painful. It is strenuous to quit an addiction and very hard to let go of people who do not build you.
It is very painful and hard to pay that accumulating debt and living on a budget to survive. It is sadly so easy to get that loan within 24hrs. The question is, “What do you choose? How do you choose to live your life? To handle the consequences of your bad choices?” Remember it is never too late to take the first step.
As you nurse your hangovers, think for once this time. Are you living your life to the fullest pleasing your flesh or refreshing your spirit? People always say do what makes you happy – I say crap! Do what makes God happy, He comes before you. You need to have a mindset of Christ. Anything that automatically makes God happy makes you happy.
People say that so long as you are happy nothing else matters, well, Hitler was happy killing all those Jews. This simply means that our happiness is not always justified, we are carnal and mostly what really makes us happy are things of this world.
People say that we should love and concentrate on those who love and build us. Only those who are positive in our lives deserve our love back. I ask, if Jesus acted exactly as the above, would you be saved? What happened to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you?
My bottom has started acting up, let me attend to it. Keep tuned, more will come. Let me handle the affairs of my bottoms first. If I had no this bottom I couldn’t be writing this post.😆 This simply means … (Let me stop explaining, I might get hurt)
And now for hating me for unceremoniously concluding this article, enjoy your festivities have a happy and a prosperous New Year. Above all, pray to Him who does amazingly, abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine for refinement of character, the mindset of Christ and a change of heart.
And lakini you friends of mine are fake, yaani no one called ata to know how I am doing. I just got a text from Brian Vishal (BTW this guy is a powerful writer, check his articles out on Kkrewbs).
How do you guys suggest we live? I thought we had a deal, for better for worse, for raging bottoms and cooler behinds 😄? Happy Birthday Wahome we know you were born on Dec 25th, tupatie tuheme sasa.
I am still doing the part series of, “I Got Pregnant in Church.” If you can, kindly share your story so that others may get inspired. Know someone who can share their story? Tell them to send me an email to email@example.com. Do you/they want to be completely anonymous? I can publish anonymously on request or you can send me your story on silomasays.sarahah.com
I will be giving a shoutout every Monday to Kenyan Christian artists who inspire me as a means of appreciating them. This is also in a bid to urge Kenyans to consume their own content. Yes, there is great and amazing Christian content our there and I will do my best to share it with you.
Artist of the week – Tumaini – Been listening to this guy for the longest time ever. Listen and share to bless others. Consume Kenyan Christian music and support Kenyan Christian artists.
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