“I am living in a world where I assume things, I assume that the world flows like water from a stream, continuously, gracefully licking the soft rocks with no eternal assistance nor disturbance. I assume that I am special, no one can tell me nothing. I always want things to work in my way and if not, I curse a lot. I hate people who bother me with the ‘do this’ ‘do that’ and the ‘watch this’ ‘watch that’ phrases. I push the serious people away. I see that they are too serious with life and do not enjoy it at all and are constantly pressuring me to live their lives. No one can tell me nothing. I hate correction, who are you to correct me? Are you God? Are you perfect yourself? I do things my own way, I look up to people I think have awesome lives, lives full of fun and glamour. I love fame and recognition. I hate the low class who think to be too good to the world and the world whips their asses. I feel pity and SMH as a poor woman tells me that I should know the Lord while I have almost everything and she has nothing! Always struggling in each and every year. Thoughts run in me, “Where is her God?” I pity the poor who play safe and the world plays harsh. I KNOW that nothing controls destiny, nothing imbalances nature. I believe in no external forces that alters man’s in-existence. I believe in my own self. I believe I can do anything whatsoever, only if I can handle its consequences. I believe in no external power but mine! I believe in me!”
Above was my personal account of my life, the good or bad thing is that you have read it in the first person pronoun so maybe this maybe or has been your account too. Truth be told, many people’s lives rhyme with the above. It has come to that point where you preach to a person on a faith, they listen to you from beginning to end without questioning but agreeing with you fully but the question remains, does that person do exactly what he/she knows? I love a song by Mwenyehaki and Pitson titled Wanajua. The song outlines how we know every rule. How we clearly know that something is bad but we go forth and do them.
It is so funny that I don’t perform simple things I learnt in Sunday school like praying before I eat and praying before I sleep. I feel odd when am in that group of ‘cool guys’ having nyama choma at Enashipai and then I start bowing like a class 2 kid ati praying for nyama choma. I also feel odd thanking God for the day in that sleep over. It is so funny that I put my social group before God. It is so funny that I fear to feel ashamed that am the ka staunch Christian who doesn’t take booze or that puff or that cookie. So what am I? Am I still a Christian? Or am I half baked?
I frequently forget to whisper a prayer in the morning and if I do I say it yawningly and sleepily for lack of a better word. I think that God understands that I was sleepy or I forgot. It was then that a friend mysteriously passed away, like a joke. And all that thought that God will understand faded away. I couldn’t understand how I was with someone laughing and joking on Saturday only to get the news he is dead on Monday. I wondered, why did God choose him and not me? I was shocked for about 5 days and life moved on. I realized that if I was the one who died people would cry and get shocked for a day or two and move on! No one cares anymore.
That was the first time I really thanked God for my life. You may see that old poor woman telling you to know God and ask why doesn’t her God make her rich. That old man may tell you to stop your vices and wonder why he is bothered. Live a perfect life on earth, get a loving peaceful life in heaven, I didn’t say that, God did but live an awful life on earth then? Rather play by the rules and find that there is no heaven than go against the rules and find that that old woman, that non-cool guy shakes their head in despair as they see you in torture. That’s why I say if you think you are too powerful, resurrect my dead friend. If you think you are rich in your own spirits and can do anything, heal the sick, if you think you woke yourself up this morning, someone somewhere died, wake them up too. And you, Die and resurrect at will.
Bottom line. YOU CANNOT DO WITHOUT GOD!