The Spirit of Religion
For the longest time, I thought that I knew the Lord. I would tell people that ‘I am born again’ and ‘I am washed in the blood’. I would affirm that ‘Jesus is my personal savior’. I would brag about how I enjoy His love and how free He has set me. Damn! I was not free. I was a slave.
Most people were taught that God is this king who has a cane by His right arm who waits for you to sin so that He can whip your ass. Most people were taught, since Sunday School that God is this loving but strict father who doesn’t entertain nonsense. I was one of them. I believed all that.
As a young ‘minister of the word’, especially among the youth. I would brag with my skill in knowing the Bible, in cramming Bible verses and having known the law of what is good and bad. I mostly taught with my own knowledge.
I alienated sinners. I would tell them of the consequences of their sin emphasizing to them how they would rot in hell because God punishes sin. I wrote tons of articles in this blog mostly criticizing secular artists, their way of life and Gospel musicians who engaged in vanity.
I was also a bit good in Theology, I would tell you about perfect will & permissive will. I would narrate to you about Calvinism & Arminianism in detail. I tried to decipher God through Theology. I tried to reverse engineer him through what other people thought and wrote about him.
All I knew about Jesus was that he was born in a cow’s food. I knew that He spoke in parables because there were some who were not meant for the kingdom. I knew I was among the chosen ones. You should have seen me affirming, “Many are called but few are chosen.”
I was good in arguing about the word. I liked making arguments and inputting my thoughts into every Biblical conversation. I was taught that I was indispensable because I prayed every day, I fasted, I constantly read the Bible and I ‘meditated’ on it.
My understanding was that money was the root of all evil. My understanding was that it was evil for a Christian to own a lot of wealth because we already have mansions in heaven. I knew eternal life started in Heaven and not on earth.
I was empty. I felt like I was a slave. I thought that I was really pleasing God by teaching others a doctrine ‘I was sure’ was uplifting and life-changing. I really felt guilty and unworthy as I sinned. I understood God to be the punisher of sin and that my blameless progress was just ruined by my sin.
I thought that the more I gave to Church, the more I prayed and remained ‘perfect’ the more blessings I would get. Woe unto me, my life was just stagnant and sometimes it was going on a downward spiral. What I didn’t know was that I was using my strength and not that of God. I didn’t know that God just blessed those He loved when they were asleep. I didn’t know of unmerited favor nor reckless love. I was simply deep in religion.
Is it Really of God?
My fellow congregants ‘stepped out of faith’ and we started judging them of mingling with persons who were not of faith. We judged them for listening to secular songs and we would even pray for them for leaving the faith. Ironically, most of them prospered.
On the other hand, my life was going down the abyss. I was sickly, I was not financially stable and my life was just haywire. I would feel that this Jesus was mean, I would even ask Him in my prayers, “After all that I have done for you in this kingdom you can’t just heal me?”
I was an unbelieving believer. I was frozen in this religion. I was stuck. I was hopeless. I was heartbroken.
Then insights started flashing in my head and I started having questions. What did the anointed of God have to do to please Him? I took a look at Moses’s life; a murderer who rescued the Israelites when he was 80 years old.
I took a look of Paul’s (Saul’s) life. This guy literally killed Christians but he turned out to be the greatest apostle of all time. I took a look at Solomon. His mother was Bathsheba, the same woman who David committed adultery with and killed her husband. I asked some pastor, why did Jesus have to come from such a lineage? A lineage of sin? Why didn’t Jesus come from David’s legitimate kid? Why Solomon? A wayward person who all He did was to accumulate wealth and worship foreign gods? Of course that was a tough one for that pastor.
Leave the common debate of David’s sin yet he was a man after God’s own heart and just think of Cain, a murderer who was protected by God as outlined in Genesis 4:15. Take a look at Aaron, a whole leader who built a golden calf despite seeing and experiencing what God had done, but has his life spared. Nobody could really answer these questions for me. No level of Theology could help me decipher why David could eat consecrated bread without punishment but an innocent leper or a woman undergoing menstruation was perceived as unclean for seven days and whoever touched her would be unclean until evening as stated in the Mosaic Law (Leviticus 11:1-15:33).
Breaking Out Of Religion
I later realized that the devil really works in Church rather than out there. I realized that I spent years advancing the Devil’s kingdom in Church by judging others, by gossiping others and by spreading a doctrine that is contrary to His.
I realized that I was simply serving the Devil by admonishing others with a model of life I saw fit in my own eyes. I realized that I was serving an idol and not God. I had tons of sermon notes that I never read. I had read a lot of theological theories that tried to fathom and explain who God was. That was when I deleted all 300+ articles from this blog.
I found this new grace. This grace that taught me that I do not need to be or make myself perfect for God. He knows me, he formed me, he molded me and I need do not need to please Him with my ‘human righteousness’. All I needed was to submit to the Holy Spirit who searches ALL things even the deep things of God.
All I needed to do was to kill my pride. That devilish pride that made me argue out everything Biblical to been seen as the smart one. I had to get into this grace with a pure heart and forget every description I knew of Christ – trust me this was the hardest. I had to be led by the spirit and not my heart and feelings. We know that the heart is deceitful above all things.
I had to see people through the lens of Jesus and not my own. I had to think differently of others, especially those who sin differently than me. Instead of seeing a thief as a devil, I should see him as a wayward person who deserves the grace of God. Instead of seeing that politician as a good for nothing person, Instead of seeing him as a man of filth and of a shallow mind, I should pray for that person. I learnt to pray for those who persecute you.
There are reformed thieves who live accordingly and inspire others in the truth. But what is truth? The truth is God. The truth is not found in books, in ways of the world, in Theology nor in merely reading the scripture. The truth is found in the Spirit of God. All you know may be a doctrine. All you know may be the way of your Church and not the way of God.
All you know may be physical warfare, just like Moses, you may think that God’s plan for salvation is through physical war but the scriptures tell us that our war is not of flesh and blood. All you know may be salvation and sin forgetting the resurrection power which is the triumph. All you may have in your heart may be false doctrine – the doctrine that says a Christian should suffer, should not possess much wealth nor should they have fun.
Did you know that you did not save yourself? Do you know that you were saved only once? Did you know that whoever the Son sets free is free indeed? Do you feel that serving God is a hard task? Do you feel empty as a Christian? Do you feel that you are a slave? I shall tell you that you are not serving God because no Christian is empty.
Now, it is Christmas, and Christians celebrate the birth of Christ. I wonder why I have not seen the theories that Christmas is evil or sijui some god was being worshipped in Dec 25th etc. That is neither here nor there the most important thing is, do you know whose birthday you are celebrating?
What is your understanding of the Son of God? A mere Savior? A person who awaits to punish your sin? A theoretical being that you were forced to believe in since Sunday School? Do you have your own explanation of Jesus or your Church/Family/Pastor/Friends have defined Jesus for you?
These answers will be answered to you if you submit to the Spirit of God. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and ALL shall be added unto you. I tell you that the Kingdom of God is here with you and it is only for you to invite it to your life for Matthew 7:7-8 says “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
It is time you feel that you are free and free indeed. It is time that you stopped being pessimistic and let yourself get renewed day by day. It is time you experience supernatural encounters. It is time you become invincible in the spirit and not in the eyes of man.
So how to you submit? – Just Desire! Remember it is God who saves and not man.
Thank you for being an avid reader of Silomasays. May you enjoy your holidays to the fullest!